‘Jesus Joanne you scared the shit out of me’
He realised that swearing hadn’t helped but he could feel his heart beating ten times faster than it should have done. Now she knew she had made him jump she smiled but then once again asked the same question.
‘What are you doing up so early?’
Man it was like a robot.
‘I have my interview today. Remember?’ He said it in such a way as to imply that she must be some sort of moron for not knowing, like it was obvious.
She must have remembered because she just let out a muffled ‘hmmph’ and then turned to go back in her bedroom. Almost as an afterthought she turned as she realised she could get the last dig in ‘Oh and wait til I tell Mum what you just said, you swore’
She stuck her tongue out and turned and strutted into her room. She had almost closed the door when Alan hurled the ultimate insult at her
‘Of course you know Justin Bieber’s gay’
He hurried into the bathroom and closed the door making sure to turn the lock and stood back half expecting the door to explode inward and a creature from the bowels of hell to be standing there with fire coming out of its mouth and steam coming out of its ears, only having a passing resemblance to what used to be his sister. And as he cowered back almost falling into the shower it would lower its face to his and say with fiery breath
‘He is not gay, he just looks cute and I am going to marry him’
As this didn’t occur he turned and walked to the small sink in the corner of the room. He opened the glass sliding door of the cabinet above it and pulled out his razor. He rubbed his hands over his chin and though there wasn’t really that much stubble he decided that he wanted to be completely clean shaven for his interview. He reached back into the cabinet and got his shaving gel and proceeded to have a wet shave being extra careful not to make the slightest nick anywhere. When he was finished he replaced the razor and gel making a mental note to ask his mum to pick him up another razor the next time she went shopping. He knew it was lazy but he hated shopping and he knew his mum wouldn’t mind, she never did.
He washed himself and checked his reflection. ‘Don’t clean up to bad’ he thought. At 6ft 1 he was too tall to stand in front of the bathroom cabinet without stooping down and as he did so he noticed a spider reflected back at him from the wall behind him. A lot of things he could stomach but spiders wasn’t one of them. He knew it was stupid to be scared of such a little creature but the mere thought of them usually made him cringe with dread and this one was having the same effect. He finished off quickly and moved towards the door keeping a careful watch on the spider just in case it decided to launch itself of the wall and sink its fangs in to his neck. Again Stupid but it still didn’t stop him from doing it.
He backed out of the bathroom and for the second time that morning his sister surprised him, but this time physically. The punch landed on the side of his arm and he turned to see her standing there, this time in her school uniform, well most of it (her tie was being held in her hand, it was twisted like she had been trying to strangle a snake).
‘What the f….’
‘He is not gay’
Before he could say a word she had stormed into the bathroom and clicked the lock shut. Now he wished he was the demon that could make the door explode and while his sister cowered, this time it would be his turn to lower his face and belt out a fiery ‘YES HE ISSSSSS’
He rubbed his arm (she had quite a punch) and went back into his room, making sure not to trip over the snaking cable of the xbox controller. He crossed to the wardrobe and prizing his fingers in between the two doors he managed to get them open. His suit was there where he had hung it up the night before and after taking it out he lay it on the bed and unhooked the navy blue shirt he had chosen to accompany it. He wondered whether to wear a tie and if so what sort? Decisions, decisions. He decided wearing a tie would show he was repsonsible. but what tie? Should he go for one of his cartoon ties? Bugs bunny or taz maybe? Or should he stick to the formal ties that he usually saved for funerals. He knew that this interview could lead to something special and so he opted for a black tie with a swirling white pattern on it.
He took of his pyjamas making sure to fold them before placing them on his pillow. This was one ritual that used to get on his ex-girlfriends nerves but it was the way he had been brought up and no one was going to change that about him. He slid the trousers on and after some effort he managed to get them fastened. He realised that he must have put on a few pounds since he bought the suit two years ago and that his regular size 34 waist had increased slightly.
‘Looks like it’s time to go up a size’
The shirt was a different story as he had only purchased it the Saturday before ready for this interview. He had sent of so many job applications in the last twelve months that he knew his name must have been on more envelopes than the word ‘manilla’. But did any of them ever get back to him? Did they hell. But this interview, this was different.
He had been surfing the internet as usual for a night time, when he had received a new email message. The email had simply said ‘Position Available’ Intrigued he had opened it and started reading. It appeared that it was from a company called Calverine and though he had never heard of them the contents of the email piqued his curiosity. It addressed him by name which was a good start.
Dear Alan Crossland
We are writing to enquire as to your availability for an interview.
We are a company that can offer you the job of your dreams
If you are interested and want to find out more then simply reply to this email with the message ‘I accept’ as the header and then just send us some information stating what you are looking for in your dream job
With kind regards
Arnott
He had replied to the email simply telling them his circumstances and stating that any job with good prospects and good wage structure would be acceptable. The reply had been encouraging.
Dear Alan Crossland
Thank you for your prompt reply and your information. We would like to interview you on the 15th June and wondered if this was acceptable. We are holding the interviews at the Barness Estate in Lyvemore. If you wish to attend you would be most welcome.
Kind regards
Arnott
A couple of emails later and all the arrangements had been made. There was no number to call as the building was being wired and there was no telephone cable installed. All he had to do was turn up and see what happened. What had he got to lose ?
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